Such Starchy Breadths as No Man Could Argue With
2 A.M. Conversation with T.G. on Wombs, Wardrobe Montages, and Wodehouse
LK: …What I wouldnt give to be Arthur Dent. Catapulted into the universe without so much as a by-your-leave. Or, on the opposite end, sort of, Bertie Wooster, insulated against any real pain.
TG: Well, aren’t we all catapulted?
LK: Catapulted out of our comfy wombs!
TG: Yeah, you’re in desperate need of one of those self-affirming wardrobe montages.
LK: Hmm. Self-affirming wardrobe montage… *strokes chin*
TG: Right? Right? …I would totally buy new outfits.
LK: I have been looking at online style sections a lot lately. Certain trends, I approve of.
TG: Lapels against the world! Such starchy breadths as no man could argue with!
LK: Hahaha! You know, if you wrote more, you could be the cuter female version of Wodehouse.
TG: Aww. I would love to be a Nazi sympathizer!
LK: He was just confused!
TG: And perhaps… A NICE TIE. What trends?
LK: Well, one of the trends I like directly contradicts your tie statement.
TG: Really? The anti-tie?
LK: Apparently, buttoned-all-the-way-up shirts without ties have come back from the 80s.
TG: Just stay away from “popped” collars.
LK: I will. They are too jaunty.
TG: They are an abomination. Really. What would Jeeves do?
LK: Look upon my sartorial decisions with disdain, most likely.
TG: Naah, generally if you stick with nice breathable materials that look somewhat washed, you’re okay.
LK: Why I wear nothing BUT! For example, my mesh shirts…
TG: Oh. Oh dear.
LK: My light cotton skorts.
TG: HEY. DO NOT BASH LIGHT COTTON SKORTS.
LK: Hee hee hee. They *are* very comfortable. And show off my legs while maintainng my girlish modesty.
TG: Yes. Mama Mary loves light cotton skorts.
LK: And let’s not forget my fanciful hats.
TG: Now I’m afraid.
LK: Really, anything can be made into a hat, if you put your mind to it.
TG: Livery?
LK: WOOOUULDNT IT BE LIVERY
TG: Wait. I’m a bit dizzy. All the marching Eliza Doolittles!
LK: It’s like delerium tremens without the joy of once having been drunk.
TG: Totally. Lost intoxications.
